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January 19, 2019

How great it would be if you  didn’t have to  face your personal and professional challenges alone,  There is no lonelier feeling for me than being without help when you need it most .  As a life coach I can help you work though your challenges and achieve a satisfying solution.   E-mail me at

Any amount is appreciated.


Over the years I have read several book, articles and studies related to the human “EGO” and the trouble it causes.  While some argue that ego is a human trait, most animal species exhibit behavior that appears to be ego driven. There is not a lot of difference between two male mammals fighting over a prospective female.  Some say it is just a reptilian urge, but isn’t most ego related behavior?  Females are not immune to ego behavior and to stay with one of the strongest basic urges most mammal females seek out a particular male. More often than not there is one male that is most sought after in the bunch, and the females vie for his attention, which may cause some bizarre behavior.  No matter whether ego is unique to humans or not, it is a phenomena most of us has to deal with.

It has been said, “If not for ego we would all live in peace and harmony?”  There are countless account of the problems ego can cause – all of our most dastardly deeds can be traced to an ego either asserting or defending itself.  One such action that is very prominent is “getting even.”    Usually when we perceive some one has wronged us there is an immediate surge of thought of hurting that person as much or more than they hurt us.  For some the urge only lasts a few seconds before our rational thought kicks in and works on a solution to our situation that does not land us in deeper trouble, but not always.  Many times we dwell on even the insignificant insult or injury to our ego for the longest time and sometimes for the rest of our lives.  We may actually hurt ourselves trying to “get even” or even ahead of someone who has upset or ego.  In the end even when we think we have evened the score, the bad feelings remain.

In observing animals, many have concluded, unlike humans animals do not have the urge to get even. Once the confrontation is over, all is done and forgotten.  I am not convinced and my own casual non=scientific observations point to a different conclusion.  My observation and what I have gleaned from several studies is mammals especially bide their time and eventually try to get even.  One particular study which used the term Smart Monkey studied  Chimps in the wild, They found that while there was a dominant male who ruled both the females and the males through sheer strength and fear of being physically beaten, most of the group did not have real allegiance to the leader, and the females had clandestine meeting with other males.  In addition, there were several acts demonstrating that both the male and female monkeys secretly got even with the leader. Hiding food, not keeping up with the group, and other almost human like act of passive aggressive behavior manifested through out the group.  What kept them in line was fear of the leader.

Most animals and humans fall into a pecking order when in  a group.  I noticed while working on a farm that new arrivals seem to fit in based mainly on their size and aggressiveness. Few new additions start off by challenging the leader, but work their way up the chain, much like humans in an organization. The new comer seems to size up the group by passing those who will present no challenge and begins moving up the line. This does not always involve physical fighting. Many time it as simple as the new comer, or rising star taking a higher place at the feed trough, and others just moving down a position.  Those who move down at first glance don’t seem upset, but a watchful eye reveals they do try to reassert themselves or get even.

So what is this all about?  It is about trying to keep our egos in check.  In the animal world our ego would provide us with our status in the heard, but through years of civilization there are laws and rules that make acting on our egos signals self-destructive.   Like the animals it may be best to offer token resistance or no outward signs when our ego is injured and wait until the initial intense feeling has passed and develop a path that does not cause us more harm than good.  A bruised ego can be the source of very bumpy and unhappy existence, where we become a victim to our own thoughts and continue to push and punish ourselves after the world has moved on.

Karma is an often used word to express the notion that everything evens out.  Perhaps there such a scale of justice, but even if there isn’t, it may be better to trust to taking care of yourself and letting the vengeance of bruised ego to the circumstances of life. None of us get out of here a live, so we should do our best to be as happy as possible while we are here.  Since I used the mating example, to para phrase Charlie, even the person with most desirable mate soon gets tired of the same old routine. So if you look at the one that got a way, the promotion you didn’t get the insult you may have suffered, the sting will pass if you let it, and your brain will work to give you something better.




They Don’t Teach Corporate In College By Alexandra Levit

The Next Gen Leader by Robert C. McMillan

Challenge The Ordinary by Linda D. Henman PhD

The Leadership Campaign by Scott Miller and David Morey

The Elegant Pitch by Mike Figliuolo

Could you benefit by hiring a career coach?

Do you ever think of how much help it would be to have a coach to help you make those tough decisions? Most of us are risk adverse, and it really holds us back from being all we can be. A life coach can make the difference of staying in our small comfort zone or moving ahead.

How to Find a Mentor and Why You Need One _ A good career move.

Mentors are people who have expertise and experience, and can help you shape your career, and improve your performance and professional reputation. Whether a friend, volunteer, or professional career coach, a mentor can objectively advise you in all areas. Some of try to decouple our personal and professional lives, but in this high tech world it is almost impossible to separate them. A facebook friend uses the media to sell products, and for a social media. The problem is that on her social page she used foul language, and posts and reposts things which many prospective clients may find offensive. This hurts her business. Although friends have hinted she should tone down her social page, she ignores them. A mentor would be more direct and tell her that her social facebook page is hurting her enterprise page. If she does not listen, the mentor will reinforce his advice with examples, and guide her to be more professional.

A mentor is not your boss. You do not have to listen or take a mentor’s advice, but a good mentor will be able to guide you over time to the proper path. Some times are egos will prevent us from seeing the wisdom in a mentor’s advice. A good mentor knows how to placate the ego and reach through our natural defense to criticism barriers. A good mentor is able to talk about any topic or problem with offending or embarrassing the client.

We all need mentors. Life is too short for each of us to learn everything through our own experience. In many cases it takes a long time to learn some things through experience, mainly because we don’t realize that we are doing something detrimental to our careers. I worked with a guy who thought he was a comedian. He played practical jokes, teased people, and told inappropriate jokes. He thought he was the life of the party and everyone liked him. When asked to tone it down he only laughed and try to make a joke of it. In essence he was killing and chances he had for advancement. All his hard work was negated by his behavior. The sad part is that his behavior was part of his success strategy.

How to Find a Mentor and Why You Need One
By Lindsay Olson
June 19, 2012

One of the best ways to reinvigorate your work life, boost your job search, or help guide your career path is to work with a mentor. A mentor can help guide you through common problems and make recommendations on how to improve your job performance.
Talking to a mentor about your career can help you make better decisions about moving to a new job, taking a promotion or asking for a raise. Typically, you would work with someone with experience in your industry, as she would be best equipped to understand what it takes to succeed in your field. If you’re starting out in the accounting field, you might find a mentor who runs an accounting practice. Finding someone who has had a career path similar to yours can help give you the direction and advice on how you can succeed.
Mentoring programs differ one to the next. Some are very formal and meet every week or so. Others are more organic. Maybe you exchange emails and have lunch once every few months. You get out of a mentoring program what you put in. Make it worth both your time and that of your mentor’s.
How to Find a Mentor
Some companies have formal mentor programs, designed to help you achieve specific goals. If your company doesn’t have such a program, create your own. At networking events, look for seasoned professionals who take an interest in you. Search LinkedIn for qualified professionals with similar interests, group affiliations, and career paths.
Once you pinpoint someone, begin by building a relationship with them. After all, if you’re going to spend time with this person each week or month, you want to make sure it’s a good fit for both of you. Ask her to lunch or coffee so you can get to know her. And when you feel like the relationship is growing, ask for advice—this can help take the relationship to that next level.
It’s important that you give some thought beforehand to what you’re looking for in a mentor. Just as you’re looking for the right one, you need to sell yourself as a mentee. You’re asking someone to take time out of their busy schedule to expend brain energy on you, so prove that you’re worth it.
And remember that your mentor is doing you a favor. Always show appreciation for the time spent. If your mentor gives you job leads or makes a connection, make sure you follow up and let her know what came out of it.
Working with a mentor can help you develop professionally and forge new relationships that can move you on your way. Take your mentor’s advice, even if you find it difficult to swallow. After all, that is why you sought a mentor in the first place.



Certified NLP Practitioner –
Why do I need someone to help me with my career? The idea of hiring a career coach is often met with resistance. Your mind generates all kinds of excuses not to seek the help of a coach or mentor. What can they tell me about myself that I don’t already know?

A coach or mentor is not a shrink who is going to psychoanalyze your problems and blame your failings on a childhood trauma. While there are most likely physiological underpinnings to some of your perceptions, most of your career challenges are a product of the workplace. Learning to successfully navigate the workplace is difficult for most of us because we bring our social game to a very competitive sport.

What real preparation do have to cope with difficult bosses and coworkers? Most if not all of your experience is obtained from family and friends, and a controlled academic environment. There are some very good lessons to learned from this beguine environment, the rules are much different and do not translate to the rough and tumble workplace environment where your career and livelihood hang in the balance. A good coach or mentor has been through it and gained first hand experience in coping with all types of workplace challenges. Learning by trial and error is often a long lonely road where a mis-step can be career ending. A career coach can help you get where you want to go in your career.

Why Hire A Coach?
Ten Terrific Ways To A More Powerful Life

Bill Cole, MS, MA
Founder and CEO
William B. Cole Consultants
Silicon Valley, California

A tennis coach, golf coach, swim coach, personal coach, business coach, executive mentor, financial planner, personal trainer, sport psychology coach. What do all these coaches have in common? Why work with a coach? A coach won’t do the work for you, but here is how a coach can help launch you to the next level:

1. A coach can be a confidant. You can tell your coach things you wouldn’t tell others, because a coach is trained to understand and be non-judgmental.

2. A coach can help you see your blind spots. Everyone, even the coach, has personal areas that are out of view or awareness until someone points them out. A coach is perfectly poised to perform this critical function.

3. A coach can provide objective feedback. Other people may have agendas. Your coach has your best interests in mind in providing feedback and counsel to you.

4. A coach provides another set of eyes. Even the top performers in the world have coaches to help them see what they themselves can’t see.

5. A coach can keep you accountable. Your coach can help you take on more responsibility by having you report weekly on your accomplishments and initiatives.

6. A coach can be a sounding board. Your coach can be another set of ears as you talk about the things that are bothering you. As you hear yourself have a conversation new personal realizations emerge.

7. A coach can be another source of creative ideas. You can brainstorm and try out new ideas, behaviors and mental processes as your coach provides a safe place to experiment.

8. A coach can help you create your vision. Your coach can assist you in developing your plans for success based on your values, personal strengths, background and assets.

9. A coach can help celebrate your successes and be a source of strength when you fail. Your coach can be a supportive and nurturing source of energy.

10. A coach can help you process life. Life is a process and a good coach can assist you in reviewing and reframing what happens in your business, your sports and your life!


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Are you looking for a career coach?. Most of us have talents and skills equal or better than our peers, but for some reason they seem to be doing so much better in their careers. What do they have that you don’t? A mentor! A source of coaching to discover and develop talents and find and seize opportunities, avoid problems, and overcome challenges. Every successful person has someone helping them. Why not you? Put the PracticaL Mentor in your corner- career and life coach. E-mail Confidential Inquires to

The PracticaL Mentor Forum Page: Most popular “Traits of successful people”- Mission Statement : The primary mission of the PracticaL Mentor is to address career strategies, issues, challenges and over come obstacles to achieve career goals. Recognizing we are each unique with individual personalities and values enabling us to perceive similar situations differently, there is a need to develop ideas, strategies and action plans that fit individual circumstances and personalities. By providing a forum for open discussion to develop analysis techniques and encourage sharing of career strategies, ideas, methods and tactics, the PracticaL Mentor will facilitate leveraging the collective contribution of each for the benefit of all.

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Count Started Nov 1, 2017

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